
The old Westerlo, NY, homestead
Christmas is here again. A blend of old memories from Christmases past and new ones being made.
It took a long time for me to feel at peace with the Christmas celebration changes of the last few years as our lives changed. Suddenly, the steady Christmases of my childhood and youth were gone. My parents sold the Upstate New York country home I grew up in and moved south. I no longer could “go home” for Christmas and see all my childhood friends. I got married and moved away. We had a child. New people were in my life now. And things kept changing. Christmas left me with an uncomfortable feeling then, one of constant change and uncertainty. It made me sad. I wanted to skip over it.

My parents oh-so-trendy Christmas outfits!
For a long time, the loss of my childhood Christmases hung heavy on me. My mother once said she didn’t have Christmases growing up during the Depression. I do believe she made up for that later in life by lovingly decorating and entertaining with grace and warmth. And I had always envisioned bringing my husband and son “home” to that warmth for Christmas. But that would never be. Especially since my mother died.
But then I discovered as my son became older, that I finally accepted the change because it won’t ever go away. Change goes on and on. And as I embrace my memories now, I realize no one can take them away. Now is the time to look forward and enjoy creating those special Christmas memories for my son. He is the next generation, and I am the past. What he remembers now will be part of him forever. Just as I remember.
Recently, I took my son to Upstate New York the week after Christmas to visit friends. On our way home we wound up the Helderberg Mountains to drive by my old homestead. The once showcase home now stands worn, overgrown, and abandoned-looking by homeowners without a care.
But that’s not what I see.
I see glittery, snow-covered fields as I climb the last hill home. Lights burn soft, falling on snow from the farmhouse windows. Smoke curls from the chimney as I pull into the stone driveway and park in the barn. I pass holly and bows strung on the lamp posts welcoming me home.

Christmas when I was 4. Loved my stuffed Tom Kitten from Beatrix Potter!
And as I knock the snow from my boots upon entering, the smell of mincemeat pie, rib roast, and Yorkshire pudding float around my head in a delicious wreath. I see my mother in an apron ready with a big hug, a glass of wine, and a loud “Hello!” I see the tree with decorations of decades twinkle a soft sentimental greeting. The fire pops while candles flicker a peaceful glow.
And there out the bay window over the pond, I see the North Star rise in greeting over the hills spread out before us. The hills I once sled down on Christmas Eves gone by. I can still breathe in the crisp stillness that spread over the fields under the moon in a humble sleep. I watch the flip of a beaver tail as he swims under the frozen-over creek on the way to his dam. I see fireplaces blazing at each end of the house and a table filled high with food as laughs and hugs abound. I see folks gather round the center hall piano to sing lively tunes with eggnog in hand.

Me and Josh Christmas morning!
I see it all.
Memories of Christmases past live on in me. Christmas is now about creating memories for my son, for our family. My memories will always shine inside me. And now my son’s memories will live on through me.
What sort of Christmas memories live on in you?

Josh reveling in the first snow!

I agree! Beautiful memories! Having grown up in the south, snowy Christmases are a rarity for me. I love the traditions I’ve made with my family, but they don’t have deep roots in my childhood. I’m wistful about might-have-beens.
M.C., but how wonderful you can create new traditions all your own now! I always had snow for Christmas growing up in New York (we’d usually get a big snow on Thanksgiving and go sledding) but now that I live in Southeastern PA we never get snow until Jan. It’s very sad 🙁
Well this post made me very teary! I can see the scenes you painted for us and I can understand your feelings about Christmas (all of them). I am glad you are thinking of your son and the memories you are helping him to make for the holidays. It is always bittersweet to visit our childhood homes- especially when they are no longer in the family. A few years ago I went to an open house at the house I grew up in and it was very strange. I had memories around every corner, but my house was not the same in so many ways. Strange. 🙂
Great post!
Stephanie, thanks for your lovely note! And I can’t even imagine going to an open house at the home I grew up in. That gives me strange tinglies all over! How strange for you! Once I settled in to making new holidays with our son, this has definitely boosted my spirits. It’s hard to let go of what you had hoped would always be your Christmas traditions, and with those special people, but I find joy in the new and also love to reminisce of the old to keep it alive, and those I love and miss who are gone – like my mom. She made everything special, especially Christmas. I inherited all of her CHristmas decorations (20+ tubs!) and much is from when I grew up so it truly is memories all around me. 🙂
It’s interesting how much those memories stay with us as we get older. And parents know as they create Christmas for their own children that they’re also creating lifelong memories for them.
Stephanie, yes, it’s a wonderful thing to create holiday memories for your child and especially when you pass on the traditions you grew up with – or even creating new ones.
Beautiful memories.
Tammy, thanks so much!